Erase And Rewind _ (flygurl) [Guest Post]

Beautifully written piece by one of those people I really admire for their intelligence, flair and just the sincerity that oozes out of what they say and write...Reproduced on anonymity conditions LOL...

...ErAsE&ReWiNd...

Hullo (ToyBoy)!

Hope you are doing much better than I am. Last time I was tokin'to you, you had your bloody self in a godforsaken pharmacy. So yeah, hope you good man. So much has gone down since the last time I sat my sorry ass down to write to you. You should have gotten this letter ages ago but shit cut and well, to say the least,m I had to start over. Most of the shit I said in the original I may not remember, so yeah, i guess am going to try my best to bare out whatever is left in me. My sentiments may or may not have changed over the weeks that have passed, and I don't want,or would rather not try to sort out the messy semblance of whats left of that.

When I was doing this (writing to you) about a month ago, I couldn't go beyond 2 lines an hour. Its kinda different now. I remember then I had a random pile of crumpled paper on my table, too many words wanting to spill out onto the paper @ once, a stomach doing flip flops and a silly smile permanently glued on my face. Virtually! Two days later, what did I have to show for it?Besides a page, maybe half, of shit I couldn't even understand myself, nothing! So, I crumpled that up and tossed it into my random pile of 'the words that I would never know how to say.

Then, this one night, I couldn't fall asleep, so I woke up and hunted down every last piece of candle that I could find in the house. A hot bath, my hair down and tens of orange flames glowing away later, I sat down, pen in hand and wrote this...


It felt really good to finally have something to say and a way of saying it. A way that did not make much sense, but a way all the same. And the best part was that it didn't have to make sense. That nothing HAS to make sense or ever does when its about you and I. That made me ralise one thing. That maybe that was the way things were and twas probably maybe the way they should be left. Delicately balanced. Nothing to be added, nothing to be taken away.

What I wrote in those 6 or more pages, my mom left with when she did. Since that has been violated, I see no point in saying it in this letter. I guess the important bit is what I have to say now. Thats what should matter.

The memory of you has always been a good thing. True dat! Sometimes so good it knocks the air out of me. And av always loved the high I get out of that. So much so that, at times the soul aches for more. But more is what I can't have and I have always learnt to remember that. And that should be a good thing, I hope.

I know life was cruel enough to send you me and well, I know how that must feel like. More often than not, I wonder why too. Maybe twas to cause you so much headache so that it would be easier to understand other people. But I guess we may never figure that one out so I'll leave it to those who can. I hope I haven't been too me for your liking though. Its just that sometimes I can't help myself. I would say the things you do to me but then i wouldn't know when to stop. And maybe that's cause I dont ever want to stop..so I won't start. That way I dont have to stop. Thats the easy part.

I like when you re-play over and over in my head. The slight tingle down my spine and the hotness of my ears. The sudden 'caving' of my stomach and the weakness in my knees. I like when the breath gets caught in my throat and that hair raising going on at the back of my neck. I like it all. So, I am going to keep it all. And thats just me. You can't blame a woman!!


So, my dearest (ToyBoy),
For a very long time I have convinced myself that it was so very hard to get over you. And maybe it is. Cause I didn't even try. I know I wouldn't. That was proved everytime I saw you. Its like it gets harder each time. Then it hit me. That maybe its not you I should be trying to get over. Its myself. That maybe this was a battle. A battle I wasn't out to win for the beginning. That maybe we both had our reasons fo waging this war. And that I left mine all bared out. i did not set out to win this battle, I forgot to. But then again, maybe one of us did set out to win it. And I guess we both know who won. What we did not know however is who lost and honestly, I dont think I want to wait around long enough to figure that out. I am not sure I have enough energy or if am cut out for that kind of shit.

So i just want to leave while I can still walk. I want to get on with the rest of the battles I have to fight. Hoping that I will be sane at the end of it all. Sometimes, it takes a lot to realise what you have and what you don't. So much has happened to show me that. [2010 +/- 20] has flipped life in every possible angle save for the good one. I have felt very inch of raw pain there is to feel when a family rips right in the middle, and every ounce of indifference thereafter. This year has taught me tribe, allegiance, pride, money, power, basically shit I have no business knowing at [18 +/- 5yrs]. But now i know, nonetheless.

I have lost my touch with a lot of shit. Especially my writing, so I hope this makes sense. What we had we had. I tried the best I could. First not to feel, then to feel, then something in between. But I guess the time has come to finally stop trying. This show is finally over (ToyBoy). Because I need to find some semblance of order.The unpredictability of stuff has become all too predictable all of a sudden. So, I want things to follow some order. I want stuff whose end I can see or at least predict. I want to stop this high of not knowing what will happen. Because right now, everything is messed up. From school to home to me, its all messed up. So let us forget this. Let it rest. Let it be.

Whatever it was, whatever it is, whatever would have been, I want that fantasy to be over for me. I want to know where to go from here. And I need to focus on that for now. And I can only do that if I let you go. So, am taking what I have and running with it. I don't want any more and am accepting nothing less either. I want things to remain as they are.


So here's the last of my letters, hoping its not half as bad as the rest. Its been a while & its been good. i take my bow. I accept to lose this battle gracefully.

Twasn't so long a letter, but so long, my trusted friend.


Erase and Rewind...

Me!

(flygurl)

Pen Is Bila Hard-On: Critical Approach To Critical Acclaim & Writer's Block

This is part of the continuing series of my Writer’s Block season - or Pen Is Bila Hard-On Part 2 for my feeps - Facebook peeps- a phenomenon which seems to arrive around this time of the year, all the time. Won’t be a guest post (still checking our my nominees for the next installment) but it will be a piece from of my unused/rarely used personas.
* * *

Yes, I have said it before many times, writer’s block is much like erectile dysfunction in the way it leaves you collecting whatever small pieces of ego that have been fragged by the dismissive whine coming from “she who receives” going something like YOU CAN’T GET IT UP YET??? as she looks at your lame attempt to revive you pen, or your penis, whichever the case. Yes, we writers (okay, the extremely few that I have bothered to talk to) are very keen on taking our audience to bed and making one hellova good job about it so that she can go and tell others how much of a literal stud we have been so that they too can come in droves to receive “what you gave her”, an act called Critical Acclaim.

The first appeal to critical acclaim is attaining the ability to be criticized. Unfortunately, unlike the above analogized scenario of sexual conquest, your potential audience of critics is not like a bunch football scouts who come down to the remotest parts of the literal world to search for unique players. They enjoy a niche of their own and consume very little literature outside that recommended diet. It is up to you to cast the chips funga nets in strategic positions, a Zuqka feed here, a KenyaUnlimited feed there, FB and twit updates all over….but I digress!! It’s all about getting the numbers for the referendum, especially the social network type of writing such as blogging and tumblr-ing .

The Critics' Referendum

Currently suffering from a unique strain of writer’s block myself, I have contemplated severally seeing a shrink just to make sure the cogs and wheels working my grey matter were in normal working condition. I brushed aside the idea since I have lived long enough with my mom (an avid college kid shrink with years’ worth of experience) to know the procedure of clinical psychology. The First Commandment of Psychotherapy, it seems, is start with this question format till recovery:

“So, how do you feel?”
“I feel X…”
“Uhuh, so how do you feel about feeling about X?”
“I feel Y about feeling X”
“Uhuh, so how does it feel to feel Y about feeling X?”
“It feels like XYZ…”
“Okay, and how do a(b +c) – d feel now that it feels like XYZ to feel Y about feeling X in your case?"...[ad infinitum]

It’s that easy, being a shrink, I guess. Let them blabber on and on until they get the feeling that they are spending too much cash on consulting these punks. How does it feel, this current writer’s block? Well, I feel like I am at this definitive stage as a writer where I have involuntarily left the junction that leads into Critical Acclaim over a thousand miles back and, with the little gas that I have left, all that is left now is to travel among hitch hikers and rent cheap motels and watch strip shows at even cheaper brothels, carrying myself with half a degree of dignity fuelled by the belief that I shall one day be back on the right path again.

This condition has also got me wondering why some people have got more to say and write than others. Perhaps, those of us in the latter group have not ‘lived more’, in the sense that our entire set of human experience is not enough to warrant a recollection of those experiences in the frequency we would like or in the manner that would attract Critical Acclaim. And perhaps those in the latter group can be more quickly be classified as belonging to the Middle Class of society as well. If we look at contributions to Intellectual Property and more specifically Literature through the ages through an economic lens, one is likely to find that the contribution of the middle class noticeably lags behind those above and below them (somebody do a thesis on this already, I’m tired of speculation). Why? Probably because this class has a more or less stagnant ideology in which nothing much really happens. John Kennedy Galbraith in his economics classic, The Affluent Society, makes this comparison:

“The poor man has always had a precise view of his problem and its remedy: he hasn’t enough and he needs more. The rich man can assume or imagine a much greater variety of ills and he will be correspondingly less certain of their remedy…[with] a well observed tendency to put it [his wealth] to the wrong purposes or otherwise to make himself foolish.”

Where does this leave the middle-class man? With just enough resources to meet his recurrent and miscellaneous needs but not enough to catapult him to the economical and/or philosophical and/or psychological clout to enable him carry on activities that enhance and facilitate his creative process such as risk taking or travel and unique interactions, he remains creatively impaired in his daily 9 to 5 experience whose main pillars consists of stagnation and cyclic strain. The experience may vary of course with those at the overlapping edges of either being on the verge of being properly bourgeoisie or a follicle’s distance from the poverty line.

That aside, there is that other feeling that the pen gets stuck mid air, because I almost always never personalize the pieces that I write and make it “come from within” as some (of the extremely few) female writers I have queried advise. For the layman, that translates to getting into that style of the “Dear-Diary-First-Person-Female-Narrator-With-A-Quote-Of-General-Application-At-The-End” type of television series and movies that have really struck a chord with the female populace of late. That would of course prompt me to restructure how I answer the question WHAT I DID TODAY to fit some reflective theme or to attract a certain demographic to correlate. One misgiving of this style of narrator, in as much as there’s a lot of content to put down, I don’t get the feel that I have tapped into my soul and given a critical thought to the piece although it works for some. I prefer to be like the film producer who just gives subtle hints of their introspection in like 30 seconds of dialogue within what seems to be a casual and generic story. It’s more like seeing the world through another’s shoe with a few seconds to put them on, rather than create empty shells into which anybody can fit and beat up into a personal fantasy, also perhaps why I don’t really feel this new wave of series and movies with female narration… Its more of a weakness than a preference, I must add..Yeah, my attempts at keeping diaries ended in futile doodles... Perhaps I am a bit paranoid of logging my life into some documentary evidence so that whichever legends that may be said about me ("MY GOODNESS HE HAD 23 PENISES") would be quickly crushed.

But the most nagging problem, I have noticed could be my lack of patience with ideas and letting them grow before I attempt to put them down or abandon them all together after the idea’s excitement has gone down. My hope is that, at least, I have found my niche, picked up the various styles to come up with my own uniqueness by now. If I have, then what is left is to beat my unique genre to an unrecognizable pulp until somebody has pity on the damn thing and flashes a few cards of Critical Acclaim to make me spare my rod...



Let's keep on writing mates, even if its gibberish, it may make sense to somebody else other than yourself...

UNITED NATIONS CONVENTION ON THE NON-APPLICATION OF THE RULE OF LAW & COMMON SENSE TO CELEBRITIES (UNCONARLCOM)

When we are still in the mood of considering proposed drafts, I thought we should take a few sniffs of coffee and look at this as well. Its about time we thought of entrenching unspoken but widely practised principles into black and white so that we can maybe, umm, live with them?

Preamble

The States Parties to the present Convention,

Noting that there is a need to quash the emerging anti-establishment trends and increased resistance to Capitalist Mechanisms that have funded the undersigned State Parties for years,

Noting also that it is these Capitalist Mechanisms that represent the financial backbone of the United Nations,

Emphasizing that the Global Citizenry needs to be continually immersed in trivial issues so as not to scrutinize the governance and institutional integrity of the regimes that govern them,

Recognizing the Entertainment Industry's crucial role in Mind Control of whole populations through indirect and subliminal transmission of Consumerist Ideologies utilising various tools of Globalisation and ICTs,

Recognizing also that Central to the success of the Entertainment Industry are a group of individuals collectively known as Celebrities who possess naturally or professionally acquired skills of creating god-like personas that capture the imagination and thought process of entire populations, sometimes permanently,

Completely ignoring that these individuals belong to the same species, reproduce and utilise the same mode of nutrition and albeit pollute the environment much worse than their ordinary human counterparts,

Totally ignoring the provisions of the United Nations Charter and the United Nations Declaration of Human Rights that affirm the principles of the inadmissibility of discrimination across the human race,

Convinced that the continued apathy and passivity of the World Citizenry lies in supporting and encouraging the Entertainment Industry's firm grip on shaping the Global Ideology,

Determined to maintain the status quo through the elevation of Celebrities to an esteem beyond the confines of the Rule of Law and general principles governing Common Sense,

Have Agreed on the following:

Article 1: State Parties Shall undertake mechanisms to encourage the promotion of and/or support habits of Sexual Deviance among Celebrities including the following:

(i) States shall waive their provisions on Minimum Age of Consent for Sexual Intercourse if any number of celebrities are involved in such activities that can be construed as Sexual Intercourse with minors.
(ii) State machinery should also ensure that Celebrities enjoy uninterrupted Sexual Harassment of Underage Individuals with special arrangements made to facilitate the same if the Celebrity wishing to exercise such a right identifies him/herself as either Akon or Kim Kardashian.
(iii) These provisions and/or waivers shall not apply in any State Party Jurisdiction if the Celebrity concerned identifies himself as Michael Jackson or Robert Kelly .
(iv) The defence of "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" shall be applicable if any Celebrity is subjected to the embarrassment of a public inquiry into the exercise of their rights, and the onus of discrediting that defence lies upon the entity that subjects the Celebrity to such unsuitable environments.
(v) Special measures should be taken by States to ratify the Montana Fishburne Principles that promote the participation of Celebrity Children in the manufacture of pornographic films to increase State's Gross Domestic Profits as well as the Sex Tape Proliferation Treaty drafted by Eminent Celebrities.

Article 2: State Parties shall undertake to tolerate any violent behaviour that a Celebrity exhibits towards any number of ordinary citizens in all cases except where this activity results in murder or manslaughter.

(i) These privileges shall especially apply if the Celebrity is identified as Steven Gerrard, Naomi Campbell or Amy Winehouse.
(ii) This provisions shall not apply if the Celebrity concerned identifies himself as Chris Brown, irrespective of whether his actions are motivated by real/apparent threats of infection with a venereal disease.
(iii) Any Celebrity who undertakes to assume the character of Jack Bauer in Fox Network's '24' Series shall receive internationally recognized diplomatic immunity the moment he exercises the rights provided for by this Article.

Article 3: State Traffic Rules shall not apply to any Celebrity to the detriment of the Ordinary Citizenry.

(i) In case of conflict of interest as regards two or more celebrities' self styled traffic rules, law enforcement should be advised to give priority to the more influential Celebrity in the jurisdiction concerned according to the hierarchy of Celebrities that shall be included in a special schedule of national traffic legislation that each State Party shall prepare.
(ii) This provision shall especially apply if the celebrity concerned identifies himself as Tony Blair.
(iii) If an arrest has to be made to please public curiosity, such an arrest should not exceed the duration of 84 minutes, especially if the Celebrity identifies herself as Lindasy Lohan.

Article 4: State Parties shall recognise Celebrities' internationally acknowledged right to enjoy the experience of Poverty through participating in Unnecessary Petty Theft, especially in the form of shoplifting.

(i) This provision shall apply unequivocally if the concerned celebrity identifies him/herself as Rudy Giuliani's Daughter or Winona Ryder.

Article 5: State Parties should jealously protect the right of Celebrities to be in the possession of unlicenced guns and ammunition as well as illegal drug substances. Arrest and prosecution should only be effected as a mechanism of attracting public interest in the said Celebrity.

(i) If an arrest and prosecution shall be made, community service should not exceed 16 hours if the Celebrity concerned identifies himself as Marcus Camby.
(ii) Such a charge should not essentially attract prosecution if the Celebrity concerned is Lil Wayne or Ja Rule although States have the option of reservation from this sub-article.

Article 6: State Parties should undertake to support the political ambitions of Celebrities especially if they display lack of experience in the jurisdiction they intend to represent.

(i) This provision should apply especially if the Celebrity Concerned identifies himself as Wyclef Jean or as The Jazz Maestro and Saxophonist Hellon.

Article 7: Each State party shall provide the adequate amount of press freedom to facilitate the reproduction of Celebrities off-air statements that portray members of their own race or their ancestors in a bad light as well as off-camera abuses by Political Celebrities directed at groups of people they regard as inferior.

(i) Celebrities with special affinity to Soulja Boy, Rev. Jesse Jackson and Gordon Brown should by default acquire international diplomatic immunity vide this article.

Article 8: State Parties should put in place mechanisms and legislation that recognises Celebrities unequivocal right of committing suicide whenever they feel prudent in whatever manner they may please and should any State laws be contravened in the pursuance of this right, those actions shall be treated as if they never happened in the first instance.

(i) Thorough commissions comprising of specialists in the field of Psychology and Human Behaviorism should be set up in regional blocs to identify Celebrities exhibiting preliminary potential for suicide and function further to advise them on the best possible methods of carrying out effective suicides and avoid the embarrassment and negative press exposure of failed attempts.

Article 9: Celebrities perceived as having exercised their rights and privileges beyond the sustainability of Nature itself shall proceed for trial at The Supreme Celebrity Court currently sitting at the Benches of the Oprah Winfrey Show.

(i) Maximum penalties at the Supreme Celebrity Court shall not exceed the guilty Celebrity making a public apology as per the Duchess of York Principles.

Article 10: All Parties recognise the statement "Do you know who I am?" uttered by a Celebrity to an Ordinary Citizen to operate doubly as sufficient notice of intent to exercise any of the rights and privileges provided for by in this Convention and also as an Overriding Defence of general application to any excesses in the actions of Celebrities otherwise not provided for in this Convention.

...............................................

Bubbles _ Kaz [Guest Post]

With this writer's block thing that I have going on at the moment I thought I should start inviting some guests over to do a few gems for me and at the same time showcase those who I thinks should dump Facebook Notes and start blogging...Some will be anonymous to protect my identity as the culprit who pinched their work (don't know if that makes sense any more now that I have typed the sentence..)

So #1 on my list, KAZ, known to the government as Kausar Aidrous, arist-cum-writer, very good at both of those, most especially the writing...

Kaz

Bubbles

You know there's a problem when you're trying so hard, but all people remember is the day you let down your guard.
Everyone pretending they're trying to make things right, when you can clearly see everything they do creates a fight.
You stopped believing in fairytales forever ago, but had you known things were this bad, i'm sure you would've created your bubble.

A bubble where everything would be right, where there were no fights, where the lights were bright, where u could fly at new heights, where everyone slept soundly at night, where people you loved were always in sight, and their presence around you made you feel light. . .
But you stopped believing so suddenly you forgot to create your bubble, and now when things are crazy, and everything gets a little hazy, you end up feeling lost, and the people who aren't there are the ones you need the most. . .

_________¤KAZ¤_________