I have just read Poe’s X-ing A Paragrab about a writer’s obsession with perfection, intent on proving that he can write a coherent story without using a single word containing letter O. Somewhere between the laughter I get a picture of Leonidas lookin up proudly as the Persians’ cloud of arrows bear down on a brotha. Sometime its your Achilles heel that should be held up high as a talisman to save your story. The unicorn moments…getting the audience to actually see the horn on the horse’s head.
Names really count too. With a name like Alejandro, I seriously don’t expect you to a virgin for long. But Scholastica, Conjestina hmm… I reaaallly don’t know but there are a few exceptions to the general rule. When I was a bit younger and more ambitious and allegedly going under the name Angels May Die, I’d sign off my work with the drawing of an angel dangling from a hangman’s noose, complete with a halo and wings. That was until my dearest mother saw it and was considering admitting the boy in some rehab, where they ask you useless questions about nothing in particular and ask for an ounce of weed as payment for the session a la The Wackness.
Communication being essential, I crab walk to make sure my walkmate isn’t lost in some other time portal as I rant whatever nonsense I have to say. Notice the audiences apparent flaws and make it an apparent magnificent advantage and the audience should love you. If she’s feeling self conscious about her new eyebrow piercing yeah thats the thing you should fuatilia like a pothead following a tractor full of crack (unga ya serikali). Avoiding attention to yourself would suddenly make them think the story was specially made for them yet you are recycling it for the umpteenth time. Small experiment. Let’s go check a sister out:
Hey , wassap! Am *insert relevant name to sound important*
Umm … ati who?
X Y!!! Yani you have never heard of me? *Trying to look hurt*
Am the guy who *insert relevant in-thing activity that is likely to be written about on Pulse*
*Lame plus unsuccessful attempt at recalling* ….
Such missions are what I refer to as Kamikaze. It either you get toasted or you become a prisoner of war. Getting seriously shafted whichever way you approach. Hmm, lets try and salvage the situation.
Anyways, I couldn’t help but notice your eyebrow piercing. Its very chic…suits you perfectly!
*Brightens up immediately* You serious??
Yeah… if it was the only thing you had on, you would still be sharp…
*Goes on and on and on and on bout how she had just wekad it, how she wasn’t sure how it would look…alas a conversation is born!*
Breezing decades later to the conclusion, as one pal would put it, the Conc-illusion. Ending things prove to be one hell of a bother… Like deciding how to kill a rat you have just trapped in a cage. Do you drown the damn thing, considering the Kenyan wing of the Society of Protection of Animals is still busy drafting policy on The Donkey Bill of Rights to notice? Do you like it bloody and full of broken bones? Well, this time its short and sweet.
They/he/she/it lived happily ever before…