A Few Good Men: WP v Pyro, May 5

WP

OK am the next victim hit me up cowards!!!

Uhuh, we back to rock a brand new cipher/yea, metal detectors beepn, some still be wired /we got snitches in our midst bt they gon touch the fire/of my lyrical gold bars at 1000 degrees/KRS said and so will me/A dope MC is a dope MC/and in these two cats i see dope, not MCs/Tic Tac and Pyro, in fact u make a cute couple/something like Osama and Obama/or a Luo at the wheel of his Hummer/yea i know what you gon do this summer/you gonna join a cell called splinter/so that you learn how to fit a nuke into your anal sphincter/coz you figure thats the only way you gon be the BOMB/no fear, the good news is coming/The Force is hear so no need to fight it/the end is near but am gona make you like it/coz ama give you two one hellova brain f.cking/take you to nirvana and back in one sitting/make you learn that the only lesson in Life/is to let WillPress be when hes f.cking your wives, easy!

Pyro

Why some people wanna sleep bad tonyt?/
They had to say my name. Had 2 say it twice/
S.hit u aint spoilin 4 a fight, u spoilin 4 a whoopin/
Get yo ass flattened by a 19 year old Juve/
Am easy with the flow and my rhymes r crack/
Got a style like smokin a sack, how potent is that?/
'Press, am playin the game keep hatin in the stands/
U beatin me is like teachin a paralysed pig to dance/
As in theaz no chance, dude u on a suicide mission/
Its like u bent over like a b.itch n assumed the position/
This verbal ass whoopin slash cyber slap/
Is my goodnyt kiss 'Press halla back.///

Pyro

Dude I ripped u, ur like shredded paper/
Took me 3 posts to literally R.I.P ya/
Ur like an appletizer, fruity n s.hit/
You only good at suckin, n I dont mean d.ick/
Plus u cant bust a rhyme let alone burst a bubble/
Talk 2 me 1 mo again n youze in trouble/
Either face me, respect me or leave me alone/
P.ussy u on yo last life, jus go on home.///

WP

Hehehehe my man pyro you definitely got that right/Im the miracle worker, lyrical snake charmer/the next time you beef with me you gon' get bit by this viper/Actually we aint beefin yet you aint on my level/u got that pig's weeny in ur mouth,suckin away like the Devil/thats how we gona mek em pigs go breakdancin/30 minute orgasims is what you tongue will be waxing/ha, you retard, that wasnt even a remote joke/coz if you can take a pe.nis ,then you can take f.ckn pork/leme take you back to Thug Mansion just a little/wen i ripped your rhymen, and i'd put it in for just a second/now you got the gall to ask for another whoppin/forget your crack lines, mines is explosive/yea welcome to the holy war of holy wars/you better ask your b.tch for some extra paws/coz with what you gots we gona be makin the 5th part of Saw/and its gon be more than just masks and hacksaws/ama bust your kneecap and fit in a wire/the way you'll walk next we'll knw you'z a gangster/thats gangster not with an A but with an ER/coz after me thats the only room that you gona be at. . .

Pyro

U call that a diss?! U rippin Technique!/
U dissin Immortal! U aint worthy 2 spit/
S.hit u b.itch! My rhymens intact/
Yo 2 inch diss aint goin through that./
First of all, get on yo knees and say sorry/
And act like u mean that, damn am a mean cat/
Ofcos am gon b in the ER n yeah I mean that/
I wont miss watchin u flatline! Believe that!/
This aint karaoke nigga whatchu doin in hurr?/
U look a little Lost, episode 3 season 4/
I killed u in Thugs Mansion n am killin u again/
Nigga am killin u now n escortin u 2 heaven/
Am on a roll like its that time of the month/
Smokin niggaz out its like am smokin blunts/
U can call it quits right now n bow out wit dignity/
I hav this niggaz will pressed, literally///

sdolphin

I'm liking this :)

WP

Uhuh post number 20 jus to let this niga know he dont faze me/yup, the best he can do is paraphrase me/yo pyro no matter how you try to turn my words around/i spit double sided arrows so they gon blow you, no matter how they sound/wether they come from my mouth or your mouth/Real hip hop lives south of me brain/yea i got balls but the way u got your Jesus chain swingin/i bet what you got is two samples of ball bearings/ama massacare you so bad they wont even do forensics/rip you to tiny fossils just by showing you the basics/got you running around the border lyk a wetback/coz you know not writing raps for me is a major setback/ son, you too simple i dont have to memorize lines / anyway i put it, youre guilty for wack rhyme crimes/so from the top of my head ama stay ahead of the game/am pressing C on my keypad yea am erasing your name/ama murder you infinitely i got all night/and all day to to show you the light/ make you see that you jus the disciple/and in this game i gots my hand on the Bible/yea so hear me hear me all ye who can do so clearly/in the 2nd day of June i murderd my boy named pyro/that boy was suicidal, something like Wacko Jacko/but ama be his Dr. Phil and stop his menstural cycle/clear out all that nappy rash/Today you become a man but first show me the cash/lifes a b.tch you try f.ckn for free/but if you wana f.ck with me, show me your rhyming degree/syke! Hehehe

Pyro

Roundi hii nakutukana na kiswahili.
Yaonekana Kiingereza hunyiti.
Mi ni kama matiti, ndo maana hunishiki.
Hunitishi. Mjinga hunibabaishi.
Nakupeleka polepole ka Iqra na bado hunifikii.
Mi si rafiki wee mbwa, mi mnafiki.
Ntambandika huyu mjinga kwa city clock kimungiki.
Nimchinje ulimi akijaribu kuwika haskiki.
Mi ndo full full MC,
Ntakufanya uruke top floor KICC
nikiwatch nikinywa KCC.
Mi msee mzi. Zi daddy usicheze nami.
Kam sema nami ka condom.
Ni ka rap yangu ni condom,
Sijamaliza kazi lakini mnararuka.
Ni kama mmevuta.
Ndom.
Will usishtuke.
Hii ni freestyle kama Full Kipupwe.
Najiskia tu nikuue.
Nikumassacre style ya fumigation,
kisha nikuchape chape na issue ya jana ya Nation.
Kimbia police station ya kwenu ujifiche na mahomo.
Na umake sure umevaa Chastity belt,
usirape-iwe na Omo.
Ama na Omolo. Willpress abiro chwad matek.
Ntakufanye uwike 'Nyasaye' nikikulisha jek.
Sijiskii kuweka kikomo ya mwisho just yet.
Nataka usiwahi ressurect. Uitikie am the best.
Lakini wacha nirest. Success!

WP

Yo Pyro, while you was still fantasizing about being breasteses/ I was cupping you wifeys titties as she waxed my testicles/You pastin me on the clock coz am haunting you 24-7/my suggestion is that you call 911/what you need right now is first aid/my troops have you on lock like Sadaam Hussein/Am the true Dboy, counting my cash in 12s/For every 10 you make, you still owe 12/for all the lines I let you borrow/and not to smoke you out like a pack of Malboros/You may push me off the top of any building/But I'll still be the MC everybodys feelin/Yea, your raps be fitted with contraceptives/you speak so much sh.t, even your mouth needs protection/you think youre invincible just coz you seein in double vision/nope, its the weed you smokin thats pumpin your ego/you got your Luo all twisted/ended up soundin lyk a pigmy gettin ass fisted/No need to wish me success/coz after this test, you gona know that i am the best!

Hatari kwenye lango/microwave kajaza ubongo/Pyro finya swichi,/ mistari yako bado mbichi!

WP

Whos next?

Suicide for Dummies

OK, lets face it. . . August is not the best of months around these parts of Africa. Some inflation here, some terrorism there, some corruption everywhere and that sort of bull compounded by the usual headache that we subscribe for in those things we like to call relationshits, oops erm. . .relationships. Thus, at one point many of us will be at the brink of saying goodbye to Mother Earth and go chill with the 72 virgins in Purgatory. Yup, suicide will be top on the menu. . .We alll watched with shock as a disillusioned youth was found hanging by the neck after the closure of the Dandora Slaughterhouses

I was telling a buddy that life is like a bladder full of piss. . .you gots to be very patient and enduring not to take it. Who chooses to live anyway? Some random peeps who we later got attached to and call Mom and Dad decided to make us. More random people also insist to be attached to us and give us hell - Society. For one reason or the next, the option of taking one's life is fast becoming a way of erm, life.

I was privileged to be in such a state of mind some days ago and went for the advice of some chronically depressed pals with the announcement "I am ready to join the RIP section!". . . Heres a tid bit of part of the info i got:


OK we have gone through the philosophical and other arguments and have reached the final lap where its either I take my life or I commit suicide. What do you do? How do we go through it without botching it up?

STEP 1 : Calm Down
A good % of suicides get f.cked up because of erratic behaviour. You dont just jump off the ground floor window of a building! That earns u a few bruises and a crowd of people thinking you stooopid. You dont blast your chest with a Smith and Wesson or a .9 calibre and expect to die that easy. Calm down. The business of zapping yourself requires a clear head. Take a gin tot but DONT get tipsy. . .

STEP 2: Plan
Now that we calm and collected, lets plot the perfect suicide. The type that leaves 0.1-2% chance of survival. Most of these suicide methods are NON-DEPENDANT on a 3rd party. Dont jump in front of a speeding bus. Thats leaving your wretched life in the hands of the driver who may risk his own happy life to save your punk ass. Consider these factors:

Pain: There be those of us who gots guts for pain and those who dont. If you moan at the slightest pinprick then dont go slitting your wrists. . .you could attract unecesary attention to this important exercise. Then there be some who dig the pain or its symbolical to them. The method you chose depends on how much pain you can take.

Locally Available Material: What do you have at your disposal at moments notice? A plane and a mountain face? If you can get to Isich you could shop for a gun. Do you have access to the top floor of KICC? A few sharp blades and a warm bath? An airtight garage? A year's supply of arsenic? Look around. . .

Last Impression : Do you want to make a statement or just die quietly? Do you want people to remember a certain character in you? The more randy, melodramatic types go for the bloody suicides. Gun in mouth. Jump off a plame without a parachute. For the introverts, some poison and a note will do. . .

With these and many other factors in mind, we are now ready to commit a very effective suicide. . .

Very good so far. . .

STEP 3: Vet Possible Effective Methods

We have all heard the famous line "6 milion ways to die. Choose 1." Yup there are literally millions of ways of transforming yourself into a corpse varying in style, speed of death, magnificence of the suicide and of course the desired last impression.

Do your quick research keeping in mind what we covered in STEP 2 and get a quick list of effective methods. There is a lot of resource material doing the rounds. Well, I did a quick survey and voila! Heres my list of the lethalestest methods just to give you a headstart:

Ex-Sanguination: This is more freruent with the "white boy" types, no offence to all caucasians except Eminem. Those who listen to death metal. Those with a weak heart and one helova strong body if you catch the drift. Get a sharp blade and slip your wrists at either the cartoid, ulnar or femoral artery and sit in a tubfull of warm water. The extreme blood loss and lack of oxygen supply to the brain should put you out in a few

Jumps: For the romantics or people addicted to drama. . .a jump could do you some good. At least a fall from a ten storey building should make you gain enough momentum to make pudding of your intestines the second you touch the ground. Play some serene classical/opera music on ur iPod at full blast so that the frantic crowd below seem like they be saying "JUMP! JUMP!"

Carbon Monoxide Inhalation: This is the most painless of all. For higher end peeps, lock yourself in an airtight garage. Settle down into the front seat of your Ferari and leave the engine running. Soon you gon be riding a very different highway than Mombasa Rd. For lower end niggas, stay warm and fuzzy in your room with the jiko on and the windows shut. You will surely get 5minutes of post-humous fame on NTV Tonight. Too bad you wont be able to hear how Peninah Karibe pronounces your name.

Gunshot: People have this assumption that a gun can kill quite easily. But look at all those people who live with a bullet or two in they skulls. Lets get a high calibre piece like a .40 or a semi-auto. A head shot has 99% lethal effect. Gun in mouth also creates a sort of dramatic picture and gets your brain or spinal cord. Its not very smart to shoot at your heart (am talking to people who watch soap operas).

Helium: For those who've watched Sex and the Studio, you know what happened to Humpty-Hump when he freestyled while inhaling Helium gas. Very disturbing. Simple procedure. Hook up a supply mask to yourself and a Helium tank. Breathe normally. You'll doze off and wake up in Hotel Paradiso.

Sever your Spine: The Japanese samurais did this so well. . . Breaking your own neck. Its a professional job so dont try unles yo have experimented on countles chicken and human specimen, or you could live the rest of your life facing backwards!

Sky-diving without a Parachute: Those last minutes of meeting the ground at sonic speeds are CRAZY. If you dont get a heart attack then the impact should finish you.

Heroin: Take that sh.t. May take a while but it will kill you anyway. Ask Jimi Hendrix.

Take the World with You!: My last and most innovating suggestion. Am in the process of getting a copyright and selling this but let me just share it with my brethren. Sam Abelson got the first taste of this though.
Hire a team of Al-Quaeda terrorists to take hostage a hotel suit where the US president's daughter is having a three some with the North-Korean president's son-in law and the Indian Prime Minister's third cousin while one of Mugabe's aides is filming and streaming the live feed to YouTube and major news stations. Then blow them all up. That should start World War 3 and a nuclear winter which will wipe out all humanity as we know it. The fumes from the nukes should cover the atmospere preventing any warmth from the sun. .converting the entire earth into Antarctica. If the nukes dont get you, the cold will. That should influence the tide of oceans and other factors that will interfere with the centre of gravity of the Earth, which will thus veer off its axis and hopefully bang into some huge meteorites or planet. Mission finito!

* * *
But anyway, anyway anyway. . .Kids, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Besides, you can as well wait till youre dead. . . People in Hell commit suicide everyday, its just that they don't die. Its worth the wait. . . The gods envy us coz we live only once. . . Say NO to loosing your suicide virginity!

Death of Miss Afro Puff (or Monday Moanings)

8.00 freakin AM. . .oh shit!
My head still splitting into tiny bits
Tongue burning from the cognac She mixed
With the little sweets She served through the tips of Her pinkish lips
Pins and needles where She'd laid Her hips on my good arm
Legs twined so firm, one would think we's a lock and key
Clock beeps 8.23, jolts us up to Unidentified Recognition
Look around making quick decisions. . .
Full season dvds of One Tree Hill limited edition?
Then this must be Hell and am a suicide bomber
Lost on the way to Paradise. . .
This is the shit you get after a few shots and black ice

* * *

"Gots to go", is the best shit I can grunt
Damn. . .
Suddenly feels like am a bloody gyno doing tests up sum exotic c'nt
She saw me off in one of them cute skimpy numbers
The type of shit you only see at the beach in the summer
Ey, gotta give me credits, hom's
I mean who builds them lyk Her any more?
"Hey, whats your name again? Am sorry, I dont recall."
Sista starin at me daggers
like She Mother Teresa and I've jus called Her a broad
Bangs the door like "You aint gon' get any of this anymore."
Mia amõre! Woman be so mixed up lyk a psycho's blog
Perfect for stories I read on Monday Moanings* . . . .

* * *

As I just about to be crossin da street
Something on the other side, about 6 feet tall
Catches me eye sending down messages to my brain
quick lyk one of them murder 911 calls
Cant believe what am seeing, what the hell is this?
Gets me wishing hair could grow up on my face
and cover my eyes till i cant see shit
Blink twice 'coz this aint right, could I be dreaming?
The more I stare the more Reality be sinking
stickin so hard like a wedgy on a fat kids shorts after a hellova damn sitting
Its Miss Afro Puff, staring back like Afro be dreaming too
Whos doing who? Who be the greater fool?

(Cont. . .)